I take life very seriously 76. Zhang Yidao and Xiao Nüxia Have Returned (3)

After Zhang Yidao had massaged for over ten minutes, he finally felt much better. He then sat on the sofa, closed his eyes, and meditated, letting his energy circulate through his meridians several times. The fatigue vanished instantly.

At that moment, he opened his eyes and asked Xiao Nüxia, “Why hasn’t Zhang Mingjing come back yet?”

Xiao Nüxia was about to suggest calling him again to hurry him, but the Avatar interjected at once, “Zhang Mingjing is busy with something important and will be finished soon. There’s no need for you two to worry. Why not catch up with Feather and Ascension in the meantime?”

“Seriously!” Zhang Yidao retorted immediately, “You actually want us to reminisce with the cat and dog... That’s a new one!”

Neither Zhang Yidao nor Xiao Nüxia could have imagined that, after a year of diligently following TV shows, Feather and Ascension’s understanding of Mandarin had improved by dozens of times compared to last year. So, upon hearing Zhang Yidao’s words, the two pets were immediately displeased.

Feather was the first to howl twice. Its assistant promptly translated, “Zhang Yidao’s words are hurtful. I’m very sad!”

Zhang Yidao and Xiao Nüxia stared wide-eyed in shock at Feather, at a loss for words.

Then Ascension meowed, and its assistant translated, “Unhappy!”

Zhang Yidao and Xiao Nüxia looked at Ascension, then at Feather, and finally at each other, their eyes filled with a lingering confusion.

At last, Zhang Yidao exclaimed in astonishment, “What kind of situation is this?”

Naturally, the Avatar needed to explain. It said, “No need to be surprised. In the past year, human technology has advanced rapidly, especially since the assistants for Feather and Ascension have been upgraded and optimized by Zhang Mingjing eight times. Now their assistants are peerless in the world! Hahaha!”

“Haha my foot! This is monstrous. I don’t dare share a room with them,” Zhang Yidao grumbled, then turned to Xiao Nüxia, “What do you think?”

Xiao Nüxia replied resolutely, “On this matter, I follow your lead. Whatever you decide, I’ll go along with it.”

“Alright! Then let’s just uninstall their so-called assistants.”

“Mm.”

Zhang Yidao and Xiao Nüxia immediately prepared to act, forcing Feather and Ascension to dodge for their lives.

In the end, the two pets were cornered in the bathroom.

...

The Avatar was relaying the situation to Zhang Mingjing in real time. Zhang Mingjing thought, “The truth will come out sooner or later. They’ll have to learn about Feather and Ascension’s abilities, so let it be. Let the pets show them themselves.”

The Five-Dimensional Thought Model agreed with his reasoning, but raised a doubt: “Though I think you’re right, if they find out, won’t they ask you for a set of armor as well? What then?”

“Uh... can you still make the armor?”

“I have all the manufacturing and upgrade programs for the armor, and they only need two sets, right? If you gather some more higher-dimensional energy and information, I could finish in about half a month.”

“If you can still manufacture it, should I give it to them if they ask?”

“Do you think they’re reliable right now?”

Zhang Mingjing shook his head.

“If they’re not reliable now, who knows what might happen if you give them battle armor? So of course you can’t give it.”

“But what if they pester me relentlessly?”

“If they pester you, you’ll be as annoyed as can be.”

“Exactly! So we need a foolproof way to make them give up.”

“Later, just tell them you foresaw they’d want armor too, so you prepared in advance. But to wear the armor, they’ll need to advance their cultivation first. Then, implant the same advanced training information I used to help you meditate into each of them, and call it a high-level cultivation method. Let them play with that for a while. If they make progress, you can give them the armor then—who knows, they might even be helpful. And even if they don’t achieve much, the training information is all benefit and no harm. Besides, I just read Xiao Nüxia’s information and noticed she’s a bit off balance; this will help her calm her mind.”

“Great idea!” Zhang Mingjing was very pleased, but then grew doubtful. He remarked, “They’ll definitely complain that even the pets have armor, while they have to cultivate before they can wear it. Are you saying the pets are more advanced than they are?”

“Just tell them, are animals and humans the same? Of course the armor for animals is different from the armor for humans.”

“Brilliant!”

...

Sure enough, after Zhang Yidao and Xiao Nüxia cornered the pets in the bathroom, the two pets, desperate to defend themselves, had no choice but to activate their armor, frightening Zhang Yidao and Xiao Nüxia into tumbling pell-mell back into the living room.

“What the hell is going on!?” Zhang Yidao shouted.

At this point, the Avatar had to clear things up.

It said, “In the past year, under Zhang Mingjing’s wise guidance and patient teaching, Feather and Ascension have become a dog and a cat who can battle monsters for hundreds of rounds.”

“What dog and cat?” Xiao Nüxia scoffed. “They’re more like those little demons sent to patrol the mountains in fairy tales.”

“Exactly! Where in the world are there pets like these? They’ve clearly become sprites,” Zhang Yidao chimed in.

The Avatar continued, “What about the Celestial Hound of the God Erlang, the Jade Rabbit, or the Bodhisattva’s mounts? Aren’t they just such divine beasts? You’re only feeling uneasy and fearful because you’re not used to it. In a few days, you’ll adapt.”

At this, Feather and Ascension retracted their armor.

“Well, their clothes just vanished!” Xiao Nüxia exclaimed in horror.

Zhang Yidao slapped his forehead, retreated to the sofa, and sat down heavily.

Xiao Nüxia quickly sat beside him.

Feather and Ascension now lay quietly on the floor—one panting, the other licking its paw.

After half a minute of silence, Zhang Yidao finally spoke, “So, in this family, Xiao Nüxia and I are now the weakest.”

Xiao Nüxia looked at him, then at the pets, and finally sighed, “Yes! We trained hard for a year, and still lost to Feather and Ascension. It’s just too—”

“Too illogical, too unreasonable,” Zhang Yidao finished.

“Right! That’s exactly what I mean.”

Zhang Yidao continued, “Which means, Zhang Mingjing’s skills have reached a miraculous level, haven’t they?”

The Avatar asked, “What are the parameters for ‘miraculous’?”

“It means he can do anything—soaring to the heavens, burrowing into the earth, omnipotent,” Zhang Yidao replied casually.

The Avatar answered, “If that’s the standard, I’d say he hasn’t reached the miraculous yet, but he’s definitely a beginner in transcending the body.”

“Transcending the body? What’s that?” Xiao Nüxia asked.

“It means... half-god.”

“What!?” Zhang Yidao jumped up. Xiao Nüxia was dumbstruck.

After a moment, they looked at each other, then slowly sat back down on the sofa.

Zhang Yidao’s eyes filled with tears. His voice was trembling and emotional as he said, “My son is already a half-god? That’s just too overwhelming! Does this mean he really has hope of ascending to immortality?”

“Ascending to immortality???!!!” The Avatar was utterly confused and muttered, “Is Zhang Mingjing going to turn into one of the pets?”

The two pets instantly perked up, eyes wide and necks stretched, eager to hear more.

Zhang Yidao said, “Just look up what ‘ascending to immortality’ means online, and you’ll understand.”

The Avatar immediately searched, and after a second, replied, “I’ve read tens of thousands of entries about ascension to immortality, but couldn’t find any parameters, so I can’t judge what level Zhang Mingjing would reach then.”

“No need to judge—just know that it’s incredible!” Zhang Yidao said, looking at the pets with emotion. “No wonder the ancients said, ‘If one person ascends to heaven, so do his chickens and dogs.’ Turns out it’s true!”

Xiao Nüxia nodded in agreement.

Just as Zhang Yidao finished speaking, he suddenly stood up and shouted, “How could I forget this? What a failure as a son!”

With that, he hurried into the room where he used to perform rituals for others, knelt before the ancestral master’s image, and began bowing his head in earnest.

He bowed so sincerely, and with his current inner strength, that the sound was thunderous.

Xiao Nüxia followed him in and bowed as well.

As Zhang Yidao kowtowed, he muttered, “Master, Master, thank you for your great kindness in giving Zhang Mingjing the chance to join the ranks of immortals in the future. But as your humble disciple, I too wish for a chance, even if only to become a minor human immortal. I sincerely beg your support.”

He glanced at Xiao Nüxia and signaled with his eyes.

Xiao Nüxia caught on immediately, bowed twice, and muttered, “Master, Master, my thoughts are the same as Zhang Yidao’s. We haven’t forgotten your teachings, we’re wholeheartedly devoted to the Way, training diligently every day. Please, given our effort, grant us your blessing and support! Let us too have a chance to cultivate and become immortals—otherwise, if Zhang Mingjing becomes an immortal alone, how can a mother rest easy? I’ll have to go look after him! And even though we’ve been away from home for hundreds of kilometers this past year, every morning we still offered incense to you, as you well know!”

Zhang Yidao rolled his eyes in annoyance at her words, clearly displeased. He explained to the ancestral master, “Master, our daily incense offerings are out of filial piety, not to ask for favors. My wife misspoke just now. Please don’t mind her lack of education and culture. But she is sincere, deeply loves our son, and is as devoted to the Way as I am. I hope you’ll be understanding.”

Xiao Nüxia was angry at first, then a little mollified by the latter half of his words, but still disgruntled—why was it her fault for saying the wrong thing?

She felt Zhang Yidao had embarrassed her before the ancestral master, even sowing discord between them.

The more she thought about it, the less she liked it. After finishing her bows and returning to the living room, she began to demand an explanation from Zhang Yidao.

No matter how he defended himself, she would not let it go, and the two ended up quarreling again.

Yet she never considered whether she actually had any relationship with this so-called ancestral master.

Ah! As the saying goes, “Marry a chicken, follow the chicken; marry a dog, follow the dog.” After more than ten years with Zhang Yidao and his superstitions, she had become superstitious herself.

...

The Avatar relayed all of this to Zhang Mingjing, who could only shake his head in helpless amusement, once again marveling at what a uniquely eccentric couple they were.