Chapter Seventeen: Call Her Grandmother!

Ever since the departure of the great banker Mr. Belief, the days that followed were all but deserted, save for the goblins of the Belief family who would sneak in every other day to have their “Touch of the Old Gods” treated. Apart from them, almost no one ever visited the office again.

Moreover, these stingy goblins never paid a single coin, always insisting that it be “put on Belief’s tab.” On the tab... They all looked so prim and proper in their tailored suits, each one someone of importance. How could it be that none of them ever carried money? Clearly, they were all planning to dodge payment together.

For the sake of even a sliver of experience, Louis still endured it, tears in his eyes, as he looked at those rows of upturned little behinds.

Every day, Granny Stia would secretly bring Louis a nutritional supplement—an “anesthetic stimulant potion”—and, for this line of work, these concoctions seemed to work wonders. Every goblin who received Louis’ treatment would leave with greatly increased affection for him.

Furthermore, while checking the appointment ledger, Louis noticed a rather peculiar detail: exactly nineteen goblins were in line! Coincidentally, the option for “cross-species reproduction” also listed nineteen goblins—he wasn’t sure if this was just happenstance.

Besides the frequent visits from goblins, the Night Watchmen were also regulars at the office. They seemed to have often come here in the past, whether to ask the layabouts in the office to cover a shift, or to request help finding a lost shop cat. Louis took on all these tasks.

Occasionally, there would even be some “cross-cultural disputes,” such as an altercation between an elderly foreigner and a market vendor over two copper coins. These trivial matters left the two of them with far too much free time. Louis could only comfort himself with the thought that it was summer vacation—two months, just hang in there.

At first, Helen treated the office like a library, spending her days studying or seeking Louis’ advice on spellwork. To his great surprise, Louis found that he could explain the underlying principles of spells quite clearly—he genuinely understood them! As a result, Helen made rapid progress in certain spells, especially the Transfer Charm.

Louis couldn’t help but be impressed by Helen’s talent. At this rate, in another five or six years, her level with the Transfer Charm would nearly rival his own. Reaching Tier 3 in a particular spell, it seemed, was no easy feat.

Louis himself was already quite adept with the Transfer Charm. He could, even without a wand, shift the spout of a teapot to any spot he wished, even placing it inside the pot. With a wand, he could turn a kettle inside out like a sweater, or move its spout to a distant wall.

If Mr. Trov, author of the notes on the Transfer Charm, were here to witness Louis’ display, he would surely be wide-eyed, asking what on earth this spell was.

Indeed, when Louis practiced the charm to level 4, he felt it had transformed into something else entirely, its name now: “Forbidden: Four-Dimensional Inversion Charm Lv4 (67/1000).”

For those like “Newton,” spells seemed to transform with their comprehension, reborn in a flash of inspiration. In the fragments of knowledge regarding the Transfer Charm, Louis had seen a four-dimensional cube, decoded its mystery, and thus comprehended this new spell.

It could hardly be called a Transfer Charm anymore, for it could tear a person apart like building blocks, or even fuse someone with a distant wall. Louis sensed that, upon reaching level 7, the spell would experience yet another qualitative leap.

However, by this stage, Louis dared not practice further—his wand could no longer withstand the spell’s power, already looking battered and frayed. So, he turned to practicing “Quickly Gather,” but when the office suddenly ran out of rivers one day, he shifted his focus to Helen’s spellbook, studying its spells instead.

Helen seemed quite excited about this. She believed Louis ought to learn some “real” magic, and intended to give him supplementary lessons—or, rather, put him in his place and watch him make a fool of himself, so he’d know who was truly skilled. She chuckled to herself at the thought.

—Most of the spells were things like Binding, Disrobing, or Inverted Suspension. Apparently, these were Helen’s go-to spells in a fight.

“But I can’t very well tie up Helen, can I?” Louis muttered to himself as he read the notes.

[Helen, bored for the third time, has challenged you to a duel. You decide…]

[A. “Go away, silly girl, take that upstairs.”
Reward: Helen’s Displeasure ×1, Helen’s Entanglement ×1, Helen’s Pranks and Tricks ×N]

[B. “Inverted Suspension! Bind! Disrobe!”
Reward: Helen Runs Crying to the Teacher ×1, Aunt Osiclis’s Iron Ruler ×8, Written Apology ×1, Mana +1]

[C. “Grandmother.”
Reward: Grandmother +1, Experience +100]

A spell shot toward him; Louis flicked it aside with a Shield Charm.

This move made Helen’s eyes widen—so he really had been holding back all this time! Not every adult wizard, not even all Ministry agents, could cast a Shield Charm, much less with such ease.

“Hmph! Evil dark wizard, you’re exposed!” Helen put her hands on her hips and declared, “Today is the day you meet your end!”

Louis didn’t bother replying, merely leafing through a language book he’d borrowed from the library.

“Coward! Are you scared?” Helen ran behind the desk, waving her wand wildly. “Call me ‘grandmother’ and I’ll let you go!”

A few more spells flew over, which Louis batted aside. After a while, Louis seemed to find what he was looking for. Looking at the pesky girl before him, he grinned wickedly: “You brought this upon yourself. Now watch as I take down your little ‘grandmother!’”

[Experience +100]

Helen paused, confused, for Louis had just spoken in “Pataya,” and the word for “grandmother” sounded similar, but the syllables were odd. Once translated, Helen’s face flushed deep red. She stared incredulously at the scoundrel, hurled a Jelly-Legs Jinx at him, and shouted, “Let’s see how you like that, you spineless shrimp!”

After a fierce and exhilarating battle, Louis was left dumbfounded. He’d thought Helen was doomed, yet to his astonishment, he found himself struggling against her.

In truth, Louis wielded a dazzling variety of spells—fast, precise, and cunningly angled. During their duels, he made full use of the room’s nooks and crannies and added in a few sleight-of-hand tricks, making himself a phantom in the office. Occasionally, when Helen’s spell finally tracked him down, he’d simply brush it aside with his sleeve—a move that made Helen’s jaw drop.

She’d heard of Defense professors who could cast Shield Charms so swiftly the shield was invisible, or who could form a small ironclad shield on their hand. But never before had she seen someone disperse a spell with a wand—or a sleeve.

Louis’ skills left Helen in awe, but this “rookie” still gave him a run for his money. She simply stood her ground, firing spells in bursts. Each time Louis’ spells flew at her, she’d shriek in fright—they were fast, powerful, and her own shields were either too slow or too weak.

What truly baffled Louis was that his spells always hit Helen—sometimes he’d even deliberately aim them under her skirt—yet they never took effect on her! Days passed, and Helen, who only stood in place firing spells, suddenly became more formidable—not because she’d learned Louis’ tricks, but because, with two days’ practice, her spellcasting speed had increased dramatically.

Louis was left scrambling. It made no sense! Many of his spells were now level 3, and he could bind a fly from ten meters away and strip its pants, yet he still struggled to beat Helen.

“It must be the equipment!” Louis thought, eyeing his rows of level 3 and 4 spells with certainty.

“It’s just that you’re bad at this,” said Helen, her innocent face blinking up at him.

Staring at the rows of level 1 spells in Helen’s storybook, Louis fell silent.

Until one day, when his Disrobing Charm reached level 5, Helen crouched behind the desk, crying that she’d never play with him again—and threatened to tell her older sister.

He couldn’t allow that! Just one piece of clothing off, and she was going to tell on him?

“Heh, Helen, come here, I have something wonderful to show you—it’s what you’ve been waiting for all this time.”

Louis pulled out his long-prepared treasure.