Chapter Thirty-Two: How Cruel It Is

"Especially when faced with great profit... no one can say for sure if they won't become the next House of Luo."

The young girl shook her head repeatedly. As she spoke, she moved on her knees to the side of Madam Cheng and carefully rested her hands upon her mother’s lap. "Besides, Mother," she continued, "there are thousands upon thousands of paths in this world. Why must I, your daughter, choose only the path of 'marriage'?"

"But..." Madam Cheng was bewildered by the girl’s question. "That is the path everyone chooses..."

"Does the fact that everyone chooses a path make it the right one?" Cheng Yingxue pressed on without a moment’s hesitation. "Or, just because the majority of women in this world have chosen to 'marry,' must I, like them, follow suit?"

"Has anyone ever asked for my thoughts? Has anyone ever asked for theirs—has anyone in this world dared to ask the women of this land if, among the millions of them, every single one truly desires to be married?"

"Mother, I have my own ideals. We could have things we truly want to do—just as you once dreamt of being a shopkeeper in a pastry house when you were young, or as my elder sister loves to teach young girls how to read."

"Why must our only choice as women be to become 'virtuous wives and good mothers' who 'serve their husbands and raise their children' at home?" The young girl held her head high, her eyes fixed firmly on Madam Cheng, refusing to yield. "Is this a requirement of the *Rites of Zhou*? Or was it written into the *Four Books* by the sages?"

"Mother, Empress Lü of the Han Dynasty could secure the nation and stabilize the state; Empress Wu of the Tang Dynasty even ascended to the supreme throne of the world as a woman. When the founding emperor of our own dynasty ascended the throne, half of the military force in the court could be considered the dowry of Empress Xiaoci Gao. Let us set aside these 'great figures' that you and I can never hope to reach, and look instead at my own room—look at that bookshelf."

"I have read Li Qingzhao’s *Shouyu Poems* and Zhu Shuzhen’s *Broken-Hearted Verses*. In my collection, the ink-bamboo paintings of Guan Daosheng possess an elegance that rivals any man’s, and Lady Wei’s *Treatise on Calligraphy* is still studied today for its profound insights."

"Not to mention, many of the cosmetics in my dressing case were crafted by women, the patterns on my dresses were mostly designed by embroiderers, and the little maid in our courtyard who is most skilled at styling hair could, if she stepped outside these walls, become a celebrated hairdresser. As for the flowers grown by Qingliu, even the magistrate’s wife has praised their beauty."

"So, Mother, aside from the inability to carry a child, what is there in this world that we women are utterly incapable of doing?" Cheng Yingxue articulated each word with care. "Why must I imprison my life within a small, predictable courtyard for the sake of a family that might abandon me at any moment, and would not care if I lived or died in a time of crisis?"

"The world outside is vast," the girl said, gently pressing her cheek into the woman’s palm. "Mother, won't you let your daughter spread her wings and follow her own nature, just once?"

***

Madam Cheng did not reply.

She stared down at Cheng Yingxue’s bright, tear-filled eyes, her lips trembling for a long while. Only when her palm had grown warm from the girl’s touch did she murmur, "When... when exactly did you begin to have such thoughts?"

"I don't know," Cheng Yingxue shook her head. "Perhaps it was when my sister told me that the Cheng family was not ruled by my uncle’s word alone."

"Or perhaps it was the moment Sister Su saved me from the mountain and asked me why I did not fight back."

"Or maybe even earlier—that morning when Father said he would take me to learn business, or that afternoon when I heard my sister say, 'To read is to understand the principles of the world.'"

"Mother, do you know? Sometimes I am truly grateful that I was born in Huizhou," the girl grinned, tears streaming down her face as she laughed. "Because the people of Huizhou value 'transmitting poetry and rites through the family,' even as a girl, I had the fortune to study the same books as my brothers."

"But at the same time, I truly loathe that I was born in Huizhou."

"Because they gave me the chance to read, yet never gave me the same possibility as men to step out of this house."

"How cruel, Mother," Cheng Yingxue’s face fell instantly. "How cruel it is."

"Those books broadened my horizons, increased my knowledge, and expanded my learning, yet they used 'rites,' 'social hierarchy,' and 'rules'—the most cruel and terrifying tools on earth—to lock me securely within the narrow prison of the 'inner chambers.'"

"Even though my thoughts can race a thousand miles, even though my talent and intellect are enough to support me in walking through this world, even though I have my own boundless ambitions—"

"I am still to be tormented, suppressed, and lectured—until my blood runs dry, my strength is exhausted, and my soul dies, until I am willing to lock myself within the cage they have set for me, turning the knowledge and vision I gained from books—and the books themselves—into nothing but nourishment."

"Nourishment for my husband and children to climb higher, for them to draw upon and demand."

"And I shall become a walking corpse, a mere stepping stone beneath their feet, of no consequence at all—"

***

"Yet, why should I?" The girl, who had been whispering in grief, suddenly burst out, "Why should the things I worked so hard to learn be so casually handed over to them!"

"Mother, I do not deny that there are noble and great virtuous wives and mothers in this world who are willing to give without asking for anything in return."

"But I am clearly not that kind of person."

"Moreover, being a virtuous wife and mother can be a personal preference, a careful choice after weighing the pros and cons; it can even be a duty or an aspiration. But it must never be a command, a lecture, or an act of oppression!"

"A woman who does not wish to be a virtuous wife and mother should have the right to choose what fits her heart."

"We should not simply deny or stifle other ways of being just because the world prefers 'virtuous wives and mothers.'"

"Just like... Mother," Cheng Yingxue slowly tightened her grip on the woman’s hand, "ever since you married into the Cheng family, everyone has only called you 'Madam Cheng.'"

"Who remembers that there was once a girl from the Wang family in the east of the city who loved snacks and baking, named Wang Manyin?"

"Say no more, Yunniang." Wang Manyin, who had almost completely forgotten that name, suddenly covered her face and wept. "In truth, it is not just them... the first person to completely forget that name was, in fact, myself."

She was the first to forget who she truly was.

She alone.